Chris Jericho vs. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat and Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka: With Ric Flair in the Legends’ corner, you’d think the cards will be stacked against Jericho. But we have to remember that even though there are four of them, the Legends are geriatric shadows of their former selves. Then again, it’s not always about how good and fit you are in the WWE. Steamboat is being inducted into the Hall of Fame this year and it will be a damn shame if he’ll lose a match at Wrestlemania. Also, I have a feeling that Mickey Rourke will be involved in one way or another.

WINNERS: WWE Legends

25-Diva Battle Royal for title of “Miss Wrestlemania”: 25 WWE Divas, including the old ones, will battle it out to earn the title of the very first Miss Wrestlemania. Boobs galore, this one.

WINNER: My Penis

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I hate it when people say that wrestling is fake. Big DUH. It’s like saying your favorite TV drama is fake. They call it “sports entertainment” for a reason, assholes. They’re telling sensational stories in the context of oily scantily clad men hitting each other with a steel chair. But my point doesn’t concern the pageantry and the drama of sports entertainment. I’m here to pay my respects to the greatest sports entertainer of all time who has finally retired after 36 years in the wrestling business. The limousine-ridin’, jet-flyin’, kiss-stealin’, wheelin’ dealin’ son of a gun, the stylin’ and profilin’ 16-time world heavyweight champion, the dirtiest player in the game, the Nature Boy, Ric Flair! WOOOOO!

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