Aug
07
2007

Ways to Make the Wolverine Movie More Epic Than the Bible

wolverine movie

So far, this is what we know about the Wolverine movie:

  • Hugh Jackman will be reprising his role as the title character.
  • David Benioff, the dude who wrote “Troy”, is the writer.
  • The movie is a prequel to the X-Men trilogy.
  • Academy Award winner Gavin Hood will be directing.
  • The movie will be released sometime in 2008.
  • That’s it.

There’s not a lot known about the story, but insiders say there are scenes featuring Wolverine in Vietnam, a pre-X-Men love interest, and familiar character names (at least for comic nerds) like John Wraith and Fred J. Dukes (aka The Blob). That doesn’t sound epic enough for me. Good thing I have a few ideas that may help Benioff and Hood make the movie more epic than the Bible.

  • Put ninjas in every scene. Ninjas can make any movie awesome. Well, except for “Elektra”.
  • Give Wolverine 7 different love interests and make them have an orgy.
  • Have Wolverine fight an army of giant robots, bionic sharks, radioactive yetis, and vampiric aliens all in one scene.
  • Ninja pirates.
  • Whenever Wolverine pops his claws, he rips gaping holes in the time/space continuum.
  • Add as many throw-away Marvel characters as possible. Have Wolverine rip them all to shreds while a volcano erupts in the background.
  • For the main fight of the movie: Wolverine vs. a black hole with black hole tentacles… at the center of the Earth.

Anyway, according to Wizard’s recent article on the film, this is the next best thing to seeing “X-Men 4″ so, you know, it better be awesome.

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